Tuesday, January 03, 2006

What's In the Mirror?

I feel like I'm wasting my life away. I AM actually wasting my life away. I quit my job to be at home with my daughter, and I'm much happier than I was with the stress of my job, but I'm also not actually doing anything right now. I mean, I always wanted to be at home so that I could have more time to myself, more time for myself. But now I find myself playing stupid games on the computer for hours every day. I justify myself because I have a cold and I'm tired and my husband has been telling me every day that I should get some rest. So I don't actually sleep, but I do relax. I know it's not true, though. I know it's all a farce. I'm really avoiding taking the time for myself to figure my life out. Why? I'm afraid of the upheaval that facing myself and finding the answers will bring. It's difficult. I'm afraid of the truth. I don't need therapy; I never did. What I need is the moral fiber to be honest with myself. I'm worried that everything will change? It will. It'll be better. I have to believe it will be better, or I'll never even start. And that would be the real failure.


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