Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Give and Take... or Take or Give?

I always feel like I can't do anything for myself... And I feel guilty if I think someone is depending on me for something but it conflicts with what I need/want. For example, the father of the family I babysit for in the mornings asked me today to make sure I come on time tomorrow (I watch their kids at their home) because he has a class with a special speaker first thing in the morning, or something. I responded that I actually wanted to tell him that I would have to come late tomorrow because we have a bris to go to that isn't local. I hoped that the bris would be early (we heard that it might be after vatikin), but I wasn't sure and I would let him know later. This is after I took a week of shorter hours three weeks ago, and come late periodically for other health-related reasons. I feel like I'm taking advantage or something. I'm not really sure how I'm taking advantage of them in this case, but that's how I feel... So, I feel guilty about it. But then I think to myself, "if I wasn't taking this time/opportunity/whatever for myself, then wouldn't I be taken advantage of?" I'm not saying that being dependable necessarily makes someone into a doormat, but being nice often means that people expect you to say yes - all the time. Is that the case - is the world about "take advantage, or be taken advantage of"?

7 Comments:

At 5:09 AM, Blogger Mirty said...

Sounds a lot like me. Now I have a suspicion: Are *you* the mysterious "NotMirty"?

I think the key concept is "boundaries". When we have healthy boundaries, we can say, "No, I can't do that" and not feel guilty about it. (But I still do.)

 
At 5:47 AM, Blogger SS said...

No, I'm not the real "NotMirty", though it's an honour to be suspected... I already mentioned my suspicions that it was Jameel. But he says not! You'll have to live in wonderment, I guess. The guilt is the worst, no?

 
At 6:20 AM, Blogger Datingmaster, Jerusalem said...

TELL ME YOU ARE KIDDING, WE PAY MONEY TO BABYSITTERS SO THEY WILL ARRIVE ON TIME
DONT YOU GET IT?
COMING LATE CAUSES LOTS OF STRESS TO THE PARENTS

 
At 6:21 AM, Blogger Datingmaster, Jerusalem said...

i;m the not mirty in case u were wondering

 
At 6:27 AM, Blogger SS said...

DM, come to think of it, leave me alone, too. I don't need you coming here and harassing my and my readers. Don't YOU get anything? Thank you.

 
At 4:57 PM, Blogger David_on_the_Lake said...

Hi SS...
Yes I find that alot. Givers and takers...I think we're all capable of being both.
I also find that people who are Big Givers sometimes..expect others to be like that too..without realizing that for others it might be a bigger sacrifice.

Then there's a whole other category of Users. These are people that just Use others..and suck the life out them..

 
At 7:40 AM, Blogger ayala said...

Hi! How are you?
I don't think that you should feel guilty at all. On one hand you are their babysitter but on the other hand you have a lot going on and sometimes you just can't. You need to find a good balance, I wish I could tell you how.

 

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