Thursday, July 20, 2006

Annoying Houseguests

Looks like a family member of mine who drives me crazy is coming to visit next month. I haven't seen him in a year and a half, and I kind of like it that way. He isn't coming alone, but he eggs on the others who he is coming with. I'm starting to dread their visit. A lot. You might be wondering what I mean when I say that he "drives me crazy", so I'll explain. He is extremely opinionated and very set in his ways. He has views on everything and thinks that he is frummer than the rest of the world, and he has taught certain other members of my family to think this way, too.

Now, I won't deny that at one point, back in college, I was hearing a similar message from my own rabbi about myself, ie, that I was in the top 2% of Jewish people in our city. But I knew deep down that that wasn't me. I tried to "live up to it" for a little while, but, in the end, I realized the truth and now I just do my thing and try to make sure it's the right thing.

So why is it that this person gets to me? Is it that I'm secretly harbouring some guilt about not being "frum enough"? Or is it that his type of person just seems so "holier than thou", and I don't feel I have the strength to deal with it? Or is it just that I was bullied by him for a few years and I hate having to interact with him? Probably a mixture of the three. So how do I get over it in time for this visit, because I can't just let it happen with me getting more and more stressed out as the visit drags on. It's my home, and I want to feel like I'm in charge. It's my space, so I have to make it as comfortable as possible for my family - meaning me, my husband and my daughter. Other than that, not much else can be done. I have to think positive, and then BE positive...if I can...

8 Comments:

At 8:43 AM, Blogger Elie said...

Just be gracious, and grin and bear it. I find I can tolerate most unpleasant events/visits as long as I know they are temporary. Think of the famous story about the rabbi who advises the poor man to bring his goat and chickens into the house. There is pleasure in the relief when things go back to normal!

 
At 12:26 PM, Blogger ayala said...

Hi. Sorry I haven't been around lately. I'm with elie, focus on how nice it will be when he leaves. But be careful not to let him get to you. Most of the time those kinds of people think they are helping but it's hurtfull when they criticize your frumkeit. It's not up to them. As long as you are happy with where you are and it is working for you and your family what he says doesn't matter. Don't forget that because then you will be in trouble.

 
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