Thursday, December 21, 2006


For a number of years I've been telling people that I'm not good at communication. Not only not good, but I suck. So, when I was dating, I felt that it was important to look for someone who at least valued communication in marriage, and hopefully was also good at it. Well, my husband is a pretty good communicator, and after 4 years of marriage, I still suck. Maybe not as badly as I did - at least now I know what I'm thinking most of the time, which is an improvement, but not voicing those thoughts is still a failure...

But I realized something the other day. I always thought of myself as a writer - and it just doesn't make any sense to me that a writer could be a terrible communicator. If I'm not communicating in my writing, then what the hell do I think I'm doing? So, there are two possible conclusions that can be drawn from this. Either I'm not really a writer, or I'm really not such a bad communicator after all. For a long time, I've been going with the first conclusion - I haven't written much lately at all (and by "lately", I mean for the past number of years).

But now, I want to rethink that. I'm not so sure I should have given up my writing. I did it because I thought that it led me somewhere dangerous, but really it was probably just leading me to myself. So, why am I still blocking myself from me? Even my blog could be so much better, so much more genuine. I think that if I renew my writing, it might actually make a difference in my life.

I once had a friend who told me that my life was like a book, and I told him that it only seemed that way because he was hearing about it from me. Maybe if I view life from the outside a bit - like a story I'm telling someone else - I'll be able to communicate better, without feeling so threatened. Maybe it'll give me some objective distance.

And then there's my writing. I have to just do it.


At 7:08 AM, Blogger Elie said...

I hear where you're coming from because I'm the same way. I communicate much better in writing than in person. I'm actually very shy in real life. It would be extremely hard for me share directly a lot of what I've written on my blog, even though my blog is 100% non-anonymous!

For me there's at least two reasons for this; the level of detachment provided by writing, and the ability to re-think and edit what I'm writing until it's phrased exactly as I want it. How about you?

At 11:01 AM, Blogger SS said...

I think for me it's the detachment. I feel so much more vulnerable saying things aloud than writing them.

At 8:39 AM, Blogger David_on_the_Lake said...

I'm the same way....I get all tongue tied..

when me and wifey have some tension i always write her..
ss i know how u feel..I think I sound so stupid..

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