A Reopened Discussion
Are you aware that the urge, the drive - to do ANYTHING is in a major way sexually related? People with a low sex drive have very little desire to accomplish anything in life.
Furthermore, the dominant force behind working - is the reward one will attain. Sex ranks pretty high on the list of rewards. As a matter of fact - all I can think of is Sex, Power & Money. By removing sex I don't think we'll have a more productive world... quite the contrary.
This was a comment left by
someone at
David's blog last month.
This is the original post and all the comments. I only found his blog the other day and was perusing the archives when I came across it and thought that maybe I wanted to talk about it a bit, but well, his discussion was a month old! So, I'm bringing it up here.
Firstly, I don't think that "the urge... to do anything is... sexually related". I think that desires and will and all that are all tied up because they come from the same place. I want/don't want ice-cream, approval, recognition, money, sex...they all go together. When a person doesn't feel like s/he wants anything or doesn't know what it is that s/he wants, that's a total experience. If one is not interested in anything because s/he is depressed or numb, well, s/he is also not interested in sex. It is part of the package. So, yes, "[p]eople with a low sex drive have very little desire to accomplish anything in life", but it's not because they have a low sex drive, it's because they have a low DRIVE - altogether.
I also want to say that Power, Money and Sex are not the only reasons to work. Sometimes, people enjoy their work and do it for the fulfillment of it. And also, when they are fulfilled, people enjoy everything more - the power, sex and money. I agree that sex is important, and probably even a motivational factor for many/most people (everybody?), but fulfillment is something that I think everyone is looking for. (Sex also brings fulfillment, so maybe that's also part of the equation?)
Anyway, I just wanted to open up this discussion. I'm not sure where it will lead, but I hope it's not too far outside the boundaries of tznius...
Random Depressed Thoughts
I spoke to a good friend of mine, who I've known since grade four the other day. She always understands me so much more than anyone else could. Not only have we been very close for a long time, but we also have similar personalities. Anyway, she was going through a hard time recently, kind of like the hard time I'm going through now. She's been doing a really big creative project, which has become her outlet for this negativity and has helped her get through it. (If you're reading this, J, and you know who you are, well, DO tell me that you know who I am.) She reiterated something that both I and my husband have been saying for a while - this bad feeling comes from being distant from myself, and I need to get back in touch with me. But,
I don't know how! What an excuse, eh? I don't have the energy for a creative project. I've been shrinking my world more and more, and it's still too much for me. It's not the baby, and it's not my job. It's me. I feel like there is a whole world out there, but I'm still stuck in the maze. Maybe I should start meditating. And I've got to get myself in hand. I feel that I'm slipping, and it would be so easy to get to the stage where I just lie in bed all day. Thank G-d, I've never been there, but it has been bad at times. I have to start seeing the positive. Reframing, as they say. (See
Wessel's latest post for an excellent example.) And finally figuring out what I want. I've never been good at that. My friend said that the most important thing was that she realized who she really is, and stopped trying to be the paradigm of every other role she thought she was supposed to fill. I'm not sure I'm ready for that. I'm not sure I'm ready to admit that I'm not "normal". But there's no time like the present. And I know that if I don't do anything about this, it's only going to get worse, and I don't want to see what worse looks like, now do I?
How Infertile am I?
The nurse who does the blood tests at my kupat cholim is pregnant. Now, normally this would not affect me one way or the other, but, well,
today, and it being
her, well it does make me a bit jealous. She has a daughter who was born in the same week as my daughter and is now due in about two months. I started trying for my second at around the time she got pregnant - if not even before!
So, what's the big deal? What's the difference? Why do I always feel like this is a race? I did get married later than many of my friends, so why would I even think that I
should or
could "compete"? And besides, didn't I
recently say that my daughter is such a blessing that I would be content if it all ended here? So what's my problem? Well, it's the whole
trying bit. I resent that some people (seem to) have it so easy.
But, really, how infertile am I, anyway? Don't I also have it relatively easy? On the infertility scale, I probably rate about a 2,
maybe a 2.5, if I wanted to stretch it a bit. I'm definitely not one of the super-fertiles, you know the type - "oops, I just got pregnant, hee, hee, and I was on birth-control!" I don't deny that that situation has its difficulties, too, but it makes the world seem even more unjust to an infertile woman (such as myself?). I'm also not one of those that is able to conceive naturally by just giving it a couple more months, or charting to make sure I don't miss ovulation (some people actually ovulate naturally?). But I've also never even gotten to the stage of IUI, never mind IVF, or *gasp* considering donors or adoption! I once had a cyst aspirated, which, they say, feels like egg retrieval, and I've had two hysteroscopies. But, that's it, in terms of invasive procedures. Just toss a couple of Clomid pills at me, give me an Hcg shot, at BAM! (Well, not every time, but that did work twice.) So how infertile does that make me? Or, maybe my question should be, what defines in/fertility?
Well, not ovulating, which I don't, is definitely an obstacle to fertility. But, I do already have a 15-month-old child and I've been married just short of 4 years. That's not too bad, is it? But she came after two miscarriages. I never understand if miscarriages are a sign of infertility or not - after all, one has to get pregnant in order to miscarry, but still, nothing comes of it, so it's not much of a sucess, is it? In any case, that comes to a tally of three (!) pregnancies in two years. Not too shabby. That fact resulted in my mother's rather ignorant comment that "it seems that
getting pregnant was not the issue, but rather
staying that way seems to be your problem". Then again, I've never really confided in her about our difficulties, and I've never felt comfortable telling her personal details about myself at all, so who can blame her for thinking that, in light of the facts as they stand?
I'm sure that most women don't play the "I'm more infertile than you!" game, except in their minds, but I wonder if they think, "who is
she to call herself infertile - with a baby and a method of conception that has been proven to work for her?" Or is it just me who thinks that way about myself? If I had to answer my own question, I guess I would say that infertility is about needing interventions - whatever they may be - to conceive. Well, I definitely fall into that category. So, I'm a *bit* infertile. About a 2.5. Thanks for admitting me to the club.
